Caring for siblings

Keeping siblings together in a single placement has great benefits. It can support a strong sense of identity and help kids better understand and cope with the changes in their lives. Depending on the number of children you’ve been approved to care for, you may be asked to care for a sibling group.

What is a sibling?

DCJ has a broad definition of what it means to be a ‘sibling’. Siblings could be children with both parents in common, or just one parent in common, or children who have been raised together as part of one family. Wherever possible, siblings are placed together.

Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander siblings

The connections that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children have to their family and community are essential to their sense of identity. It is fundamental to the wellbeing of the children and their families that these connections are maintained and strengthened.

Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children are placed in sibling groups wherever possible. If that is not possible, carers and caseworkers should work on keeping up contact with siblings, as long as that contact is in the best interests of all the children involved.

Understanding sibling relationships

You may notice that the siblings in your care have strong group loyalty and an intense emotional bond. Try to respond to each child’s individual needs while allowing them to retain those family loyalties.

You may also find that one child acts as a leader or parent to the sibling group. This may not always be the eldest child. Be patient and don’t expect that child to dismiss this role immediately. Appreciate their sense of maturity and responsibility, and give them time to adjust.

Conflict between siblings

Sibling conflict can be an issue. It could be because the kids have come from a home environment where aggression was common and there were few limits on behaviour – or because they’ve watched a lot of violent games or movies.

Over time, they will learn that things are different in your home and will start to copy your behaviour. If kids’ squabbles are very frequent or violent, talk to your caseworker. It might be useful to get a referral to a psychologist, therapist or other professional.

When siblings can’t live together in the same home, efforts are made to place them in the same general area so they have plenty of opportunity for frequent, informal contact.

In rural and remote areas, it may take extra time or money to get siblings together. Caseworkers and agencies can work with carers to ensure that sibling contact is maintained, regardless of the challenge of distance.

Supporting the bond between siblings

Separated siblings can keep in touch through things like:

• going to the same childcare centre or school
• attending the same church or place of worship
• joining the same youth group, such as the Scouts or Girl Guides
• playing for the same sports team
• doing an activity they enjoy such as art, music or dance lessons
• participating in local community events and activities.

Ways to help strengthen sibling relationships include:

• talking to your caseworker if you need help understanding or managing the effects of separation on the child you’re caring for
• recording and photographing events and activities that siblings do together and include in their My Life Story Book
• encouraging kids to maintain contact through visits, phone calls, letters and emails, providing this is not discouraged in the child’s Case Plan
• offering to provide transport, or allowing visits to take place in your home if needed, to enable siblings to see each other
• helping kids cope with disappointment if a planned visit is cancelled and reassuring them they’ll see their siblings at another time
• getting the caseworker involved early to help resolve any issues around contact that are causing conflict.

Helping siblings deal with separation

Separated siblings often need extra support to deal with the effects of separation. Things your caseworker will do include:

• explaining to the child or young person why the decision was made to separate them
• seeking their views and feelings about the placement of their siblings and involving them in placement decisions
• listening to their anxieties and fears
• giving them information about where their siblings are and who is caring for them
• involving them in planning how, when and where they will have contact
• arranging counselling, if needed.