Contact with family and kin

Time with family and kin can be reassuring for the child or young person while they are in care.

It shows them that their parents have not forgotten them and that they are still part of their lives. It can also help kids and parents who have had difficult relationships learn new ways of behaving, which is important if the goal is to restore the child to their family in the future.

Time with family also helps children to maintain a loving and caring bond with their siblings even if they cannot live with them.

You have a responsibility to encourage the child or young person in your care to maintain connections with their family and significant others under the Code of Conduct. Your agency will generally cover the costs associated with maintaining contact.

The benefits of time with family and kin

Well-planned time with family, kin or significant others can:

• maintain and strengthen kids’ relationships and connection with family, significant others and their community
• promote their cultural identity
• ease the pain of separation and loss for both the child or young person and their family
• reduce the sense of abandonment and loneliness
• reassure the child or young person of the parents’ wellbeing
• keep the birth parents updated with their child’s development and activities
• provide an opportunity to share news and information
• help the kids adjust to their placement.

Your role in maintaining and supporting contact

Your role in supporting kids to spend time with family and kin includes preparing them for those occasions, keeping a record of their experiences and providing information about their time in care.

Sometimes the carer is the best person to take the child or young person to and from family visits, and to supervise contact if supervision is required. Sometimes, a caseworker or contact worker may do this. Your role may change over time, depending on the child’s needs.

Where appropriate and where you feel comfortable to do so, it is best if you can attend or facilitate time with family or kin. When the relationship between carers and members of the birth family is positive and strong, kids can claim their connections without feeling like they’re being disloyal or hurting someone they care about.

You can support time with family by:

• being positive when discussing and preparing contact arrangements
• preparing the child or young person in advance for visits, for example, telling them where they will meet their parents, who will be there and what is likely to happen
• giving the child or young person items to take to the visit that they can talk about and share with their parents such as drawings, school work or other meaningful activities
• keeping an open mind about the birth family and remembering that most parents love their children
• asking the parents for their views about their child’s education, health, choice of clothes and even hair styles
• providing opportunities for phone or email exchanges, if approved
• helping the child or young person send birthday, mothers’ day, fathers’ day and Christmas cards to their parents, siblings and other family members (if appropriate)
• taking photographs and videos of the child or young person to give to birth parents
• helping the child or young person observe days of religious significance through scheduled contact with their family on these days
• encouraging kids to express their feelings before and after contact.

How kids react to contact

Children sometimes experience anxiety about time with their birth families and this may cause their behaviour to change before or after the visit. It’s important to understand the possible anxieties the child may have.

Don’t pressure them for information about visits. Help them manage their fears and frustrations so they can face visits with greater confidence and benefit from time with family and kin.

Taking a safe and positive approach to contact

As a carer, you significantly influence the child or young person’s view of the world. Try not to express anger or anxiety about family time and contact arrangements, and avoid saying anything that blames or criticises the child’s family. It’s important not to:

• have unsupervised meetings unless this is part of an approved Case Plan
• take out your frustration, anger or anxiety on the child or young person
• place yourself in a position where you feel unsafe
• make promises you can’t keep, such as supervising contact if you’re not comfortable or available
• take on the role of counsellor for the child or their family.

Family contact for relative and kinship carers

If you’re a relative or kinship carer, you may share a close relationship with the child’s parents. This can make it easier to organise family time and involve the parents in daily decisions, or it could make it harder. If there’s conflict between you and the child’s parents, these conflicts need to be managed to prevent contact becoming difficult. If you need help, talk to your caseworker about strategies that can make contact more positive.