Contact with family and kin

Decisions about the type and frequency of time spent together are made by a court through a Court Order, or by your agency. These decisions always take into account the safety and best interests of the child or young person.

These decisions identify who should have time together, the type of time spent together, how often this time should occur and if this time together needs to be supported, for example, through supervision. A Court Order may also prevent certain people having any time or connection to the child or young person.

Arrangements for time with family and kin are tailored to meet the child or young person’s needs. The child’s age and whether they’re likely to return to their parents are key factors in these decisions. Face-to-face contact is generally more frequent for kids who are likely to return home. If a child or young person is in long-term care, face-to-face get-togethers may be less frequent and contact may involve exchanging letters and phone calls.

Contact arrangements are part of a child’s Case Plan and are reviewed regularly to ensure they continue to meet the child or young person’s needs. Your agency will talk with everyone involved and consider their views when making contact arrangements.

Varying a Contact Order

A Contact Order can be varied by agreement between the carer, the parents, the child and the caseworker. To have effect, this agreement must be registered with the Children’s Court. Disputes around contact should be resolved by agreement where possible, however if this cannot occur an application must be made to the court to change an existing Contact Order or seek a new Contact Order.

Your agency will decide whether or not to apply for a ‘variation or rescission’ of a Contact Order as part of the child or young person’s Case Plan. A ‘variation’ will change the details of the order; a ‘recission’ will cancel the order. Parents and carers may also make an application to vary or rescind Care Orders, which include Contact Orders.

Time with family and kin can be reassuring for the child or young person while they are in care.

It shows them that their parents have not forgotten them and that they are still part of their lives. It can also help kids and parents who have had difficult relationships learn new ways of behaving, which is important if the goal is to restore the child to their family in the future.

Time with family also helps children to maintain a loving and caring bond with their siblings even if they cannot live with them.

You have a responsibility to encourage the child or young person in your care to maintain connections with their family and significant others under the Code of Conduct. Your agency will generally cover the costs associated with maintaining contact.

The benefits of time with family and kin

Well-planned time with family, kin or significant others can:

• maintain and strengthen kids’ relationships and connection with family, significant others and their community
• promote their cultural identity
• ease the pain of separation and loss for both the child or young person and their family
• reduce the sense of abandonment and loneliness
• reassure the child or young person of the parents’ wellbeing
• keep the birth parents updated with their child’s development and activities
• provide an opportunity to share news and information
• help the kids adjust to their placement.

Your role in maintaining and supporting contact

Your role in supporting kids to spend time with family and kin includes preparing them for those occasions, keeping a record of their experiences and providing information about their time in care.

Sometimes the carer is the best person to take the child or young person to and from family visits, and to supervise contact if supervision is required. Sometimes, a caseworker or contact worker may do this. Your role may change over time, depending on the child’s needs.

Where appropriate and where you feel comfortable to do so, it is best if you can attend or facilitate time with family or kin. When the relationship between carers and members of the birth family is positive and strong, kids can claim their connections without feeling like they’re being disloyal or hurting someone they care about.

You can support time with family by:

• being positive when discussing and preparing contact arrangements
• preparing the child or young person in advance for visits, for example, telling them where they will meet their parents, who will be there and what is likely to happen
• giving the child or young person items to take to the visit that they can talk about and share with their parents such as drawings, school work or other meaningful activities
• keeping an open mind about the birth family and remembering that most parents love their children
• asking the parents for their views about their child’s education, health, choice of clothes and even hair styles
• providing opportunities for phone or email exchanges, if approved
• helping the child or young person send birthday, mothers’ day, fathers’ day and Christmas cards to their parents, siblings and other family members (if appropriate)
• taking photographs and videos of the child or young person to give to birth parents
• helping the child or young person observe days of religious significance through scheduled contact with their family on these days
• encouraging kids to express their feelings before and after contact.

How kids react to contact

Children sometimes experience anxiety about time with their birth families and this may cause their behaviour to change before or after the visit. It’s important to understand the possible anxieties the child may have.

Don’t pressure them for information about visits. Help them manage their fears and frustrations so they can face visits with greater confidence and benefit from time with family and kin.

Taking a safe and positive approach to contact

As a carer, you significantly influence the child or young person’s view of the world. Try not to express anger or anxiety about family time and contact arrangements, and avoid saying anything that blames or criticises the child’s family. It’s important not to:

• have unsupervised meetings unless this is part of an approved Case Plan
• take out your frustration, anger or anxiety on the child or young person
• place yourself in a position where you feel unsafe
• make promises you can’t keep, such as supervising contact if you’re not comfortable or available
• take on the role of counsellor for the child or their family.

Family contact for relative and kinship carers

If you’re a relative or kinship carer, you may share a close relationship with the child’s parents. This can make it easier to organise family time and involve the parents in daily decisions, or it could make it harder. If there’s conflict between you and the child’s parents, these conflicts need to be managed to prevent contact becoming difficult. If you need help, talk to your caseworker about strategies that can make contact more positive.

Sometimes family time can be difficult for carers. There may be conflict about the amount of time required for contact, or the behaviour of the child before or after any family time. Ask your caseworker for help if you have concerns or are worried about the child or young person’s behaviour. Your caseworker may also be able to arrange training to help you better manage family interactions.

It’s important to raise any serious concerns with your caseworker as soon as possible. If your caseworker is unavailable and you suspect the child or young person is at risk of being neglected or physically, sexually or emotionally abused, you should call the Child Protection Helpline on 132 111.

What to do when parents are under the influence of drugs or alcohol

Dealing with a parent under the influence of drugs or alcohol can be hard for carers and children. You may feel angry towards the parent for not being able to stay clean for a brief visit with their children. The child or young person may feel rejected and blame themselves for their parent using drugs or alcohol. It’s important to reassure them that they’re not responsible for their parent’s drug and alcohol use.

If a parent arrives at your home under the influence of drugs or alcohol, remain calm and use a gentle tone of voice when talking to them. Don’t criticise them or try to have a long conversation. If they become aggressive, call the police.

If you’re a relative or kinship carer managing contact and dealing with this type of situation, it may be helpful to set up some ground rules with parents. For example, the parent doesn’t go to your house when they’re under the influence of drugs and alcohol. Ground rules can help to reduce risk to the child or young person even if the parent doesn’t always stick to them.

Time with family supervised by Department of Communities and Justice (DCJ) will be cancelled if a parent arrives under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Carers who are involved in supporting family time are encouraged to do the same.

Always check with your agency about their policies or views if you have any questions or concerns.