Getting started

There are a few practical things you can do to help a child or young person settle in to your home.

Welcome

When the child or person arrives, reassure them with a warm, gentle welcome. Ask permission before hugging or touching them. If they don’t know what to call you, give them permission to call you by your first name. Introduce them to other members of the household, including pets. Give them a tour of the home and yard. Talk a little about the surroundings so they gain a sense of you and what it’s going to be like living there.

Show them their room and where they can put their belongings. Let them know they can personalise their bedroom. Offer to help them unpack, or let them unpack in their own time.

Show the child around the neighbourhood and take them to places like the park, library, swimming pool and shops so they become familiar with the area. If you have kids of your own, plan an activity that lets them spend some time together.

Food

Ask them if there are certain foods they really like or dislike. Comfort food can help a lot in the first few days. Try to provide some of the child or young person’s favourite foods and let them have a small taste of unfamiliar foods. Don’t be upset if they don’t have great table manners when they first arrive – that’s something to think about down the track.

Sometimes kids will hoard food because food wasn’t regularly available to them in the past. One way to prevent this is to let them keep healthy snacks in a small, lidded container in their bedroom.

Household rules and routines

Talk about your household routine, for example, bath time, bedtime, what snack they might have after school and what time the family eats dinner. Remember to give them time to observe, learn and practise the routine. A reminder chart with pictures can be helpful, especially if the child is involved in making it.

Let them know what the family rules are. Give them tasks to do within their abilities and let them know that you appreciate their help. Notice and praise the little things, such as when they put their clothes away in their room, help clear the table after a meal or remember to say please and thank you.

What it feels like to go into care

A child or young person may come into your home feeling abandoned, helpless, worthless, depressed, anxious, distrustful and even responsible for their family’s break-up. They may appear indifferent or be eager to please, withdrawn, angry or upset. These are all reactions to separation, change and great personal loss. Their sense of loss may be for parents, siblings, friendships, their home, pets, familiar places, routines – all the things that have made up their world and given it meaning.

Be careful not to pry into their past, criticise their parents or make negative comments about them. Don’t talk about them when they’re there as though they’re not present, including in your conversations with your caseworker. Respect their right to privacy and their need to have some time alone.

Helping kids deal with loss and separation

You can help the child or young person in your care begin to deal with their loss and separation by thinking about what they have lost, understanding how it affects their behaviour and allowing them time and space to grieve. You can also:

• listen to them when they want to express their thoughts and feelings
• make them feel comfortable about sharing memories of their family
• don’t feel threatened if they compare what you do with what their parents normally do.

These are the first steps towards bonding with the child in your care.