Positive behaviour

Understanding your child's behaviour

The chronic stress of being exposed to abuse and neglect over a long period of time can affect a child's emotional development and will have a big impact on their behaviour. Their internal thoughts and feelings are usually quite different from those of kids who have not been exposed to trauma.

It’s important to understand that the child or young person in your care is not just trying to be difficult. Most kids in care live with ongoing anxiety, alarm and deep emotional pain, even if it isn't obvious on the surface. Usually, it's those underlying feelings that are driving the behaviour. It can also be linked to factors including:

• being exposed to violence and extreme aggression early in life
• trying to cope with grief, loss and separation
• repeated rejections by loved ones and feelings of abandonment
• health and developmental issues
• inconsistent parenting
• having to adjust to new environments with different rules and ways of doing things too often.

Kids who have experienced trauma are often acutely aware of what’s going on around them, even if they don’t show it. Your caring, kind and consistent manner teamed with the use of effective discipline strategies will, over time, influence their behaviour.

How 'effective discipline' can help

Some people assume that ‘discipline’ is the same thing as ‘punishment’. In fact, using positive strategies to teach and encourage positive behaviour is often more effective than using punishment in response to negative behaviours. This is called ‘effective discipline’.

Using effective discipline within a safe and caring relationship can help the child or young person in your care feel secure and confident. They will benefit from knowing their environment is stable and a competent adult is taking care of them.

Effective discipline:

• protects children and young people from danger and helps them feel safe and secure
• teaches them to understand and care about others
• teaches them emotional self-control and self-direction
• helps them develop a sense of responsibility
• teaches values
• helps them to be happy and well adjusted.

Why ‘punishment’ doesn’t work

A carer must not use any form of discipline that involves spanking, slapping, shouting, blaming, shaming or ridiculing a child or young person. Those actions may feel like a quick and easy solution, but physical and psychological forms of punishment don’t teach self-control. Instead, they reinforce the child or young person’s experience that the bigger, angrier and stronger you are, the more you get your own way. Carers should also be aware that some practices are specifically restricted or prohibited.

Getting started with effective discipline

Explain the ground rules Make sure your expectations are clear and well matched to the age and maturity of the child or young person in your care. When they do the right thing, show that you have noticed and you appreciate it.

Keep it simple Having just a few simple rules helps kids understand what the limits are. Set reasonable and enforceable limits and follow through consistently. Being consistent is easier when you focus on the things you think are most important, for example, ‘remember your manners at home and when you’re out’, ‘clean up after yourself’, ‘help others whenever you can whether or not they ask’, ‘stick to the safety rules’.

Stay calm Avoid getting into power struggles. Recognise your own triggers and be ready with strategies that will help you cool down such as walking away and discussing the issue later when you are calm, or giving yourself some time out.

Teach rather than punish Punishment puts the focus on what not to do instead of teaching kids what they should be doing. When problems or misbehaviour occur, think less about 'punishment' and more about helping the child recognise more appropriate behaviours.

You can learn more about effective discipline from Relationships Australia, Kids Matter and the Raising Children Network.

Babies

Babies don’t need discipline. Babies cry because they’re hungry, wet, tired, in pain or need to be held. You can’t spoil a baby by tending to their needs.

When they start crawling, they get into everything so make sure you baby proof your home to keep them safe while exploring. As your baby grows, it’s likely you will start to develop a routine, but it’s important to be flexible. At this age, distracting a baby or offering them an alternative activity when they are doing something you don’t like, is going to be more effective than saying ‘Don’t’ or showing anger.

Toddlers and pre-schoolers

Toddlers and preschoolers are beginning to learn the basic rules of positive behaviour, but they can be challenging at times.

• Be a good role model. Behave as you would want your child to behave.
• Think ahead. Don’t leave fragile or valuable things around for little ones to play with. If they haven’t seen them before, they may not know to treat them with care.
• Use distraction. Toddlers and preschoolers can get very emotional and throw tantrums when things aren’t going their way, or when they are struggling to express themselves. Sometimes the best strategy is simply to distract them with a change of location or activity.
• Give lots of praise and stick to routines. Whenever you see your toddler or preschooler doing the right thing, such as tidying their toys or helping a friend, let them know that you’ve noticed and you are proud of them. Keep to routines to help children feel secure and make sure they get plenty of sleep.

School-aged kids and teenagers

Once kids are at school, you can start putting in place clear rules, limits and boundaries. This helps them learn independence, take responsibility and begin solving their own problems.

Discipline will be most effective when you are consistent, communicate openly and often, and keep up a warm and loving family environment. Here are some ideas for encouraging positive behaviour in the child or young person in your care.

• Use effective discipline strategies to encourage positive behaviour.
• Lead by example, and model the kind of positive behaviour you hope to see in them, such as respecting people and good listening.
• Help them discover their strengths so they feel good about themselves.
• Share the discussion about setting rules and establishing consequences for breaking them.
• Talk to them about their choices and possible consequences.
• Teach them that rights and responsibilities go hand-in-hand.
• Always reinforce and reward positive behaviour with warmth and praise.
• Plan ahead by preventing situations that commonly lead or trigger challenging behavior - such as making sure they’re not over-tired before going out.
• Avoid labels and name-calling statements like 'You're such a lazy kid' or 'Aren't you hopeless'; instead, talk in terms of how their actions affect you, for example 'I feel let down when you don't help me around the house'.
• Keep your cool and focus on addressing the behaviour rather than getting involved in power struggles.
• Make sure they understand why they’re being disciplined.
• Speak in a calm but firm tone – this shows you mean what you say and expect them to do it

Parenting support services

The following organisations and educators provide support and guidance on parenting issues to carers of children and young people.

Raising Children Network
Free parenting resources and information for all stages and ages – lots of tips, tools and videos.

Relationships Australia
1300 364 277
Offers a range of support services including counselling, therapy and mediation services. Relationships Australia also has a specialist service to help reslove issues between teenagers and their parents or carers.

Karitane
1300 CARING (1300 227 464)
Provides parenting education services, activities and events for carers of newborns to five-year-olds.

Tresillian
1300 2 PARENT (1300 272 736)
Offering guidance for carers of babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers through phone counselling, online counselling, education programs, outreach visits and residential stays.

Parent Line
1300 1300 52
Counselling, information and referral service for carers and parents of children aged up to 18.

KidsMatter
An Australian mental health and wellbeing initiative set in primary schools and early childhood education centres. The website has a range of resources and information sheets with ideas on how to support kids' learning, emotional development, social development and family relationships; go to the website and search 'Parenting support and information'.

Triple P Positive Parenting Program
Triple P providers are located in city and regional areas in NSW. You can be part of a Triple P program online or attend public seminars, group courses or private sessions. Check the website for details.

Tuning into Kids and Tuning into Teens
(03) 9371 0214
Held at locations across Australia, these evidence-based programs teach parents and carers to recognise, understand and respond to children’s emotions in an accepting and supportive way. Book in for a class or purchase books or DVDs online.

ParentWorks
Developed by a team of psychologists and researchers at the University of Sydney, ParentWorks is a free, 'father-friendly' program for caregivers of children aged up to 16. The program is completed online and makes use of digital features including weekly videos and an interactive behaviour tracker.

Aboriginal Child, Family and Community Care State Secretariat (AbSec)
1800 888 698
Providing advice and advocacy services for the carers of Aboriginal children.

My Forever Family NSW
1300 782 975 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 7pm)
Providing support, advocacy and training to foster, kin and relative carers across NSW

Sometimes, the impact of trauma can lead to behaviour that is profoundly challenging. Challenging behaviour is the kind of behaviour that can potentially put your child, you, your family or other people in danger. It is different to everyday difficult behaviour and can include:

• verbal and physical abuse, threats and assaults
• sexual offences, such as indecent exposure, sexually explicit behaviour, sexual harassment and sexual assault
• running away
• antisocial behaviour, such as damaging property, stealing and picking fights.

Challenging behaviour may also include a child or young person seemingly being unable to control their actions, and certain behaviours that occur frequently or continue for extended periods of time.

Support for challenging behaviour

You are not expected to manage challenging behaviour on your own. Your caseworker can work with you to identify ideas, techniques, strategies and support services to help you deal with the situation and make some progress towards more positive behaviour.

Together, you, your caseworker, and possibly other experts such as a psychologist, should consider the least intrusive and most supportive ways to address the challenging behaviour. The options include the positive parenting approaches and behaviour support strategies described here, with the possibility of escalating to a Behaviour Support Plan in certain circumstances.

Positive parenting

‘Positive parenting’ is the idea of proactive early intervention by the carer as part of day-to-day behaviour management. It focuses on providing a respectful and sensitive environment that will empower the child or young person to achieve and maintain their goals. Your caseworker will support you in:

• identifying discipline responses that respect the rights of children and young people in out-of-home care
• monitoring and adjusting these responses according to the needs of the child or young person
• developing new skills and techniques for managing behaviour
• adjusting the home environment to suit the child or young person’s preferred lifestyle so that they do not need to resort to challenging behaviour as a means of expressing their need.

Behaviour support

Behaviour support strategies are appropriate when the child or young person’s behaviour is negative or challenging and appears to be escalating. It does not include the use of any ‘restricted practices’ to address the behaviour.

The caseworker will meet with you, the child or young person (depending on their developmental age) and relevant clinical staff to develop a strategy. It will include:

• the behaviour to be addressed by the strategy
• what happened before and after the behaviour, including any conversations
• the consequences of the child or young person’s behaviour
• appropriate strategies for managing the behaviour
• any support and training that can help you implement the strategy at home
• details on how the strategy will be implemented and when it will be reviewed
• details about the information you should collect and record (for example, the number of times the child or young person refuses to follow directions).

Where a child or young person exhibits challenging behaviour that goes beyond what you can reasonably be expected to manage as a carer, a Behaviour Support Plan may be required. The plan is prepared by a psychologist or similar expert who is skilled in working with challenging behaviour.

A Behaviour Support Plan may also be appropriate when positive parenting approaches and behaviour support strategies have not successfully addressed the behaviour.

A Behaviour Support Plan is developed to:

• strengthen the positive behaviours and personal interests of the child or young person
• understand the causes and underlying functions of the presenting behaviour, including the effects of trauma
• equip you with appropriate strategies and skills to address or prevent challenging behaviours which have concerning consequences for the child or young person, or other members of your household
• clearly identify the circumstances under which any restricted practices can be used within the context of behaviour management, and to include the appropriate authorisation of those.

Your caseworker should review the Behaviour Support Plan with you within the first few weeks, and then every three months from then on.

Using a psychotropic drug in a Behaviour Support Plan

Psychotropic medication may be prescribed as part of a treatment plan for a child or young person’s diagnosed mental illness, psychiatric disorder or contributory psychiatric symptoms. When a child or young person is prescribed a psychotropic drug, the law requires that it forms part of their Behaviour Support Plan.

The use of psychotropic medication must not be the primary strategy for a child or young person with challenging behaviour. In the Behaviour Support Plan, the use of psychotropic medication should be considered in conjunction with positive behaviour support strategies.

Using a restricted practice in a Behaviour Support Plan

Restricted practices may only be included in a Behaviour Support Plan after a range of less restrictive options have been tried. The use of restricted practices as punishment or for reasons of convenience is prohibited.

Behaviour Support Plans that include a restricted practice are authorised for a maximum of three months only.

Carers must not use any form of discipline that involves spanking, slapping, shouting, blaming, shaming or ridiculing the child or young person in their care. The law specifically restricts or prohibits the use of certain practices.

Restricted practices

You cannot use restricted practices to manage a child or young person’s behaviour unless they are included in their Behaviour Support Plan. Restricted practices which can only be used as part of an approved Behaviour Support Plan include:

• psychotropic medication for the sole purpose of controlling behaviour
• ‘non-exclusionary’ time-out (used consistently to target a particular behaviour by withdrawing the carer’s attention for a period of time so as not to reinforce the unacceptable behaviour)
• ‘exclusionary’ time-out (the removal of a child or young person from a situation)
• response cost (denying a child or young person valued items or activities as a consequence for unacceptable behaviour)
• restrictive access (limiting a child or young person’s access to items, activities or experiences by means of physical barriers)
• physical restraint to restrain a child or young person.

Talk to your caseworker if you’re unsure whether a form of discipline you’re using is a restricted practice.

Prohibited practices

Prohibited practices are against the law and must not be used in any circumstances to manage the behaviour of children or young people in care. Prohibited practices include:

• any form of corporal punishment (for example, smacking or hitting)
• any punishment that’s intended to humiliate or frighten a child or young person
• any punishment that involves immobilising them with a chemical or physical restraint
• force-feeding or depriving a child or young person of food
• use of medication to control or restrain a child without a Behaviour Support Plan, proper medical authorisation or legal consent
• use of punishing techniques, such as putting a child or young person in a hot or cold bath, putting spice in their food, or squirting liquid on their face or body
• over-correction, where the punishment is out of proportion to the behaviour (for example, making a child or young person clean an entire room because they tipped their meal on the floor)
• confinement or containment (for example, a child being forced to remain in a locked room or other place that they can’t leave)
• punishment that involves threats to withhold family contact or change any part of a child or young person’s Case Plan
• denying access to basic needs or supports
• unethical practices, such as rewarding a child or young person with cigarettes
• any other act or failure to act that is an offence under the civil or criminal laws of NSW.

In a small number of cases, a Behaviour Support Plan may include the use of a restraint such as sedation in specific circumstances.