Sexuality and sexual health

Not all teenage relationships involve sex, but this is the age when many young people start to become sexually active.

The age of consent

The age of consent for sex in NSW is 16 years. It is an offence for a child under the age of 16 to have sex, even if the other person is of a similar age. Explain to kids that the age of consent is about ensuring both people involved are emotionally mature, have a strong and confident sense of themselves, and have the capacity to give consent to sexual activity. If you believe the child or young person in your care is sexually active and they are under the age of 16, you must let your caseworker know.

How you can support safe and smart decision-making

For young people over 16 years of age, the decision to have sex is a personal one. They don’t have to seek permission from you to start being sexually active or to use contraception or other forms of protection against sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy.

The young person in your care may or may not want to talk to you about their sexuality or sexual activity. Don’t force the issue. It’s important to respect their feelings and their privacy as well. Keep up the conversation with them through the teenage years, and remember to have some one-on-one time so there are opportunities for talking if that’s what they want. When questions do come up, answer them as well as you can.

Try to get across important messages such as:

• no-one can touch them or engage in any sort of physical or sexual activity without their consent
• they always have the right to say ‘no’, whether it’s about going on a date, leaving a party, ending a relationship or having sex
• sexual activity is not okay when someone feels threatened, pressured or tricked into their decision or when they are clearly incapable of giving their consent (for example, if they are drunk or unconscious)
• if they ever feel vulnerable, uncomfortable or pressured, they should contact you so that you can help.

When sexual activity triggers memories of trauma

Sometimes sexual activity in adolescence is a trigger for memories of past abuse. If you think the child or young person in your care is struggling with traumatic memories, or if they disclose past abuse to you, you must tell your caseworker immediately. Together you can make a plan to provide them with the support they need.

Social attitudes have become more welcoming and inclusive of people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or intersex (LGBTI), but young people are still likely to feel nervous, scared or even ashamed or angry about their developing sexuality. Sometimes kids are in care because their birth family does not accept their sexuality.

Things you can do to support LGBTI kids

• Respect, validate and support their feelings.
• Let them know you love them and want them to be happy.
• Let them decide who they talk to about this, and when.
• Continue to do the things you always used to enjoy together, to show that nothing has changed in your relationship.
• Have some one-on-one time so they have an opportunity to talk to you about how they’re feeling, if they want to.
• Help them find supportive groups, events or activities where they can connect with other young people who identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual.
• Let them know their new friends are welcome at home.

Thinking about your own reactions

Learning about the sexual identity of the child or young person in your care can be confronting for some people. If you feel challenged by your child’s sexual identity, it may help to speak to someone who has been through a similar experience, or to have some counselling. Your caseworker may be able to recommend some support services, or you could connect with an organisation like ReachOut or take a look at the Beyond Blue resource Families Like Mine.

Understanding around how people develop an identity around sex and gender is changing. There is growing support for the idea that gender is not about physical characteristics, but about how a person perceives themselves and chooses to express themselves. The community is becoming more accepting of gender diversity, but kids who are exploring and questioning their gender identity may feel anxious, scared or ashamed.

As a carer, you are in a strong position to protect the child or young person in your care at a time when they may be feeling very vulnerable.

Things you can do to support kids who are exploring gender identity

• Let them know nothing has changed in your relationship.
• Tell them you appreciate the courage they are showing to be themselves.
• Respect their right to confidentiality.
• Allow them to decide who they share their feelings with, and when.
• Call them by a different first name is that’s what they want (and update the caseworker so that they can include the name change in the Case Plan).
• Helping them access the information and services they need, in partnership with your caseworker.

Thinking about your own reactions

Some carers may find it difficult to accept the new gender identity of the child or young person in their care. Remember that kids have the right to their own beliefs and way of life, and to be treated with respect. If you feel that you are struggling to support the child or young person, talk to your caseworker.

Young people who have been in care experience higher rates of teenage pregnancy than their peers. If the young person in your care tells you they are involved in a pregnancy, either as father or mother, contact your caseworker. Your caseworker will help make sure they get the information and support they need to confirm the pregnancy, consider the options and make an informed decision.

A young woman’s decisions

On a legal basis, the decision about whether or not to continue with the pregnancy, rests solely with the young woman involved, although she may choose to discuss it with her male partner. Her options include:

• Choosing to parent. If the young woman in your care chooses to continue the pregnancy and keep the baby, she will need a lot of support. Your caseworker can help you connect with the most suitable support services, including the parenting support services under the Brighter Futures early intervention program.
• Choosing to adopt. The young woman may decide to continue the pregnancy, but to have the baby adopted. You and your caseworker will need to work together on the support and services that will best help her through this time.
• Choosing to terminate. A termination of the pregnancy, also called an ‘abortion’, is a surgical or medical procedure that removes the foetus from the uterus.

A young man’s decisions

Although the two people involved might choose to share the decision-making around the pregnancy, the fact is that, on a legal basis, the parental rights of the father only begin at birth. You and your caseworker can help give the young man the information and support he needs to deal with this challenge, and explain his rights and responsibilities.

If the mother decides to continue the pregnancy, the young man will have to consider:

• whether or not he supports an adoption (both parents must consent)
• how he will carry on a meaningful relationship with the child
• how he will contribute to the day-to-day care of the child
• how to negotiate access and visiting rights
• whether he wants to take a paternity test
• how he will manage financial child support.

Termination

In NSW, a young person aged over 14 can give informed consent to a termination without a carer’s knowledge if the doctor considers they are mature enough to make this decision. Informed consent can only be given after the young person gets information about the procedure, possible risks and complications, and the emotions commonly experienced after a termination.

A young person over 14 years of age with an intellectual disability has the same rights to a termination as long as the doctor considers she’s able to give informed consent.

If the young person is under 14, or if they are between 14 and 18 and the doctor believes they don’t have the ability to give informed consent, then the consent of the person with parental responsibility is required. This is usually the Department of Communities and Justice (DCJ) Manager Client Services.

Your caseworker can’t give information about the pregnancy to you, the birth parents or anybody else without the young person’s permission unless:

• they are not capable of making a decision about the pregnancy and other people, including you or the birth parents, need to be consulted in the decision-making process
• it’s necessary to ensure that appropriate care is provided
• it’s necessary to ensure the safety of you and other members of your household.