Preparing for independence
All teenagers can benefit from some support and guidance as they mature into adults. That help is possibly even more valuable for young people who have been in care and may have had an unstable family life in the past.
Saying goodbye
There’s no easy way to say goodbye to a child or young person you have welcomed into your home, loved and cared for. Handling emotions associated with kids leaving can be difficult, even if you accept the decision.
Saying goodbye properly is an important part of the grieving and healing process. There’s no single right way to do it. Each situation is different and everyone needs to say goodbye in their own way.
Take time to reflect on how you want to say goodbye to the child or young person who has been in your care. Here are some suggestions.
- Reassure them about the change.
- Spend some time together, create a scrapbook filled with memories you have shared, talk about special times and laugh about the funny things that have happened.
- Write a letter telling them how much the time you’ve spent together means to you and the things about them that make them special.
- Make a video of your home, places they liked to go and messages from your family and their friends.
- Have a party or special dinner surrounded by family and friends so that everyone can say their goodbyes.
- Don’t be afraid to cry or to give them a hug.
You might disagree with your teen’s decision and worry about how it will affect their wellbeing or their prospects for the future. If that’s the case, raise your concerns with your caseworker. Otherwise, focus on the positive and try to make the transition as easy as possible for everyone concerned.
Caring for foster children is not always easy and saying goodbye can be heartbreaking but the love that flows back to you is pure joy. It is a privilege to share our lives with these kids.
Staying in contact
Your caseworker will have a discussion with you about whether ongoing contact between you and the child or young person leaving your care is in everyone’s best interests.
If your caseworker thinks it’s a good idea for you to stay in touch they will talk to you, the child and the birth family to make sure that everyone feels comfortable with ongoing contact.
There may be some very good reasons for contact not to be maintained between you and the child that you cared for. However, if you are in a position to agree to ongoing contact, you are showing that child how much they mean to you and helping them build a strong support network of caring and responsible adults.
Keep the door open
It is not unusual for teens to grab the opportunity to move out of their carer’s home, and then want to return a year or so later. Let your child know you would welcome their return, whenever they are ready.