Emotional wellbeing and mental health

Experiences of abuse or neglect are traumatic for young people, and being separated from important people in their lives can be distressing. Many children and young people in care bring with them an entrenched sense of fear, a mistrust of adults, and a belief they have to look out for themselves. Their reactions to trauma can include sleeping trouble, withdrawal, clinginess, severe anxiety, aches and pains, substance abuse and risk taking. More information on trauma and children is available here.

Being in care can mean the loss of parents, siblings, extended family, pets, home, neighbourhood, school, friends, activities, identity and a sense of belonging. Grief is a normal healthy response to loss. It includes shock, denial, anger, sadness, bargaining, hopelessness, confusion, despair, guilt, understanding and acceptance. Grief is personal. People grieve in their own time and in their own way.

A child or young person may find it difficult to understand that grief will end, that they can cope and that they will be okay if it comes back again later. They may know they’re grieving, but not realise their behaviour is related to the loss they have experienced.

With your care and support most reactions to loss and grief will settle down in a few weeks. If the pain or grief is ongoing or severe, then it may be useful to get professional help. Talk to your caseworker about how your child or young person is coping.

Things you can do to help kids cope

• Don’t get angry or blame kids for behaviour that may be a response to their experiences.
• Reassure them they’re safe and cared for.
• Listen and talk to them about what’s happening, their experiences, how they’re feeling and how you feel.
• Be understanding if they can’t do normal activities for a while.
• Allow them time to work through their experiences.
• Help them find ways to express their emotions and comfort them when they’re distressed.
• Be aware of key dates such as Christmas and birthdays that may trigger memories and emotions.
• Maintain routines, particularly around sleeping, eating and regular activities.
• Make time to give them special attention and do activities you all enjoy as a family.
• Try not to become overprotective.
• Help them maintain connections and their sense of identity.
• Allow them to make choices that aren’t harmful and encourage safe expressions of independence.
• Never threaten to ‘send them back’ because of their behaviour.
• Follow through with commitments.
• Avoid comparing their losses to others’ experiences.
• Prepare them well in advance of any new changes.