Raising teens
Most young people and their families experience some ups and downs during the early teen years. The child in your care needs you now more than ever, even if it isn’t obvious in the way they behave. The compassion you show and the way you advocate for your teen in these first few years at high school and in their community are hugely important. It helps restore their optimism and pride, and gives them the strength and self-belief they need to think differently about their future.
Privacy and boundaries
Teens need their own personal space, and their own mental space, too. Privacy gives them the room they need to forge a sense of identity and develop their independence. But they’re not on their own yet! Your teen may be pushing for independence, but you know they still need your guidance. Here are some ideas about how to show your teen that you trust and respect them, while also keeping them supported and protected.
Keep talking and listening
Be around. Be attentive. Be interested in what your child has to say. If the conversations keep flowing, then you’ll have a good sense of what’s going on in your teen’s life and how they’re feeling, without ever having to pry. If your teen starts a conversation with you, stop what you’re doing and give them your full attention. Your child wants to know that what they say matters to you.
Respect physical boundaries
Get in the habit of knocking before you enter your child’s room, and checking with them before you look for something in their school bag or borrow their phone or computer.
Be upfront about what you need to know
Tell your teen there are things you need to know so you can be sure they’re safe, and that you expect them to share that information with you. For example, you need to know where they are when they go out, who they’re with and how they’re going to get there and back.
Relax about what you don’t need to know
There are things about your teen’s life that you may want to know, but you don’t really need to know. For example, you probably don’t need to know who your teen has a crush on or why they fell out with a friend. If communication is good between the two of you, you can certainly ask those questions – but don’t take it personally if your teen doesn’t want to answer.
We should have a bit of freedom and learn how to look after ourselves without everyone panicking.
Stay involved in younger teens’ online lives
In the early years, it’s smart to be very actively involved in what your child is doing online. Talk about how to use the internet safely, insist that devices are used in public areas of the house, and perhaps consider using settings or software that limit what your child can do online.
Don’t spy on older teens
As your teen gets older, keep up the conversations about what they’re doing online, but think long and hard before undermining their privacy by demanding passwords, logging on to their devices or using software to track their activity. It’s better to make it clear what your expectations are, and ensure that your teen knows they can always come to you with any worries around what they encounter online.
Look deeper
If the teen in your care repeatedly breaks your trust and shows no signs of being sorry, or if their behaviour is getting risky or self-destructive, it could be a sign that they are struggling to deal with the trauma and disruption in their past. Talk to your caseworker; it might be time to get help from a counsellor or psychologist.
Take action
If you have urgent concerns for your child, or if you don’t know where they are, call your caseworker or the 24-hour Child Protection Hotline on 132 111. If you believe your child is in immediate danger, contact the police straight away.